The scientists
We, renowned scientists, both local and international, believe that it is time to proceed with the analysis of the Chatwa’s brain. Some may argue that this is of no interest, while others claim that the Chatwa has no brain at all. They are mistaken. This analysis is essential because the Chatwa is a parasite that is not only dangerous but also toxic. And strangely enough, it has been recognized that it does have a brain.
So what does this brain contain? After conducting scans using sophisticated technology, we can confidently state that this brain is composed of more than 50% of a thick and viscous substance. However, out of respect for decency, we will not disclose its name. You may wonder what it is, and of course, curiosity is a good thing in life. But the name of this substance must remain secret. It is a matter of modesty. Nevertheless, we will give you a few clues. It does not smell very good; in fact, it is disgusting, and its favorite place to relax and have fun is in the toilet. The most intelligent among you will understand what we are talking about.
What about the other 50%? Let us count them down.
10%: Servility. Indeed, the Chatwa is the master of servility. It behaves like a faithful lapdog that loves to lick its master’s boots (and not just boots, of course, as this newspaper is read by children, we will not say more). It is worth noting that the Chatwa’s tongue is shaped like a boot. We have also observed that some Chatwas bark with joy, while others make monkey faces when they see their masters. This is far from being a compliment for monkeys and dogs.
10%: Lack of morality. The Chatwa is willing to do anything to succeed. It can lie, cheat, steal, and lick its master. It may even change masters if circumstances require it. It does not hold back, and nothing is forbidden. It is useful to know that the favorite phrase of the Chatwas, the one they hum from morning until night, is the following: «Morality does not fill the stomach.»
10%: Thirst for power. The Chatwa loves power more than anything. This part of the brain is constantly illuminated because the Chatwa is always devising strategies to satisfy its thirst for power. Let us add that some Chatwa are willing to sell their souls (as well as a part of their anatomy, I leave you to guess which one) and those of their loved ones to the highest bidder.
20%: Emptiness. This may surprise you. We have conducted analyses time and again, but the result remained the same: emptiness. After pondering it over, we, as scientists, have come to the conclusion that part of the Chatwa’s brain is empty. It is like a black hole in space. It has long since shed its humanity and is mean, stupid, foolish, servile, immoral, and a true triumph of the worst. Hence, the emptiness.
We are sharing the results of this analysis with our dear compatriots, the Mauritian sheep. It is useful for two reasons. Firstly, it will help you identify the Chatwa, as there are more of them among us than we think. If you smell the scent of the viscous substance, it is time to flee. Please forgive us for our vulgarity. Secondly, it will help aspiring Chatwas (perhaps this is what you fantasize about before going to bed) understand the requirements of this profession. To make your task easier, we will soon launch the Chatwa kit on the market. The pack of three is available for the modest sum of Rs 4,000, and the individual kit costs Rs 1,000. It will allow you to analyze the brains of Chatwas and yours, of course, if you have one.
