ASH PHOENIX
It is an old question of debate whether love and destiny belong together. I believe that there is no general answer. It is a personal question and the key lies within ourselves. If the answer is yes, it may have significant consequences. If the answer is no, the consequences would be equally important.
My dear reader, let us approach this topic from the starting point: the meaning of these two words. I will focus in this essay on the term in relation to romantic love and not discuss the love that we have for our children, parents or friends nor love in a religious sense. The Oxford English Dictionary defines love as ‘senses relating to affection and attachment’ or ‘a feeling or disposition of deep affection or fondness for someone, typically arising from a recognition of attractive qualities, from natural affinity, or from sympathy and manifesting itself in concern for the other’s welfare and pleasure in his or her presence […]’.
In that definition, we find the words affection, attachment and concern for another person as attributes of love, but the definition also contains that love is based on attractive qualities, such as, sympathy, pleasure and passion. I think those parts of the definition reflect two things: our emotional tie to a person on the one hand, and the pure physical attraction on the other. I have written in my article Just Love! in the Forum Page of Le Mauricien that love has different dimensions. I said, ‘I believe that if the love between two lovers is true and pure, it contains all three elements – the physical, the mental and the spiritual.’
So what does love have to do with destiny? Destiny is defined in the Merriam Webster Dictionary as ‘something to which a person or thing is destined’ or ‘a predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency.’ I am not sure if that definition is conclusive, though.
‘Destiny is destiny because it can go either way – it can go in your favour or against you. If we were not challenged, we would never grow or transform,’ I have written in The Chronicles of the Tiny Island. Destiny seems to me an opportunity that shows itself to us. It is something that the universe may have provided for us, or put in our path. But I believe that we have free will to decide if we will go down that path or not. Thus, destiny is an opportunity but not necessity.
To me, destiny does not have the similar meaning as fate. Fate, in contrast to destiny, is something which we cannot escape and that happens to us – whether it is good or bad. For example, I may believe that it is my destiny to travel to Bhutan in order to write the third part of my fiction novel. There are many things that can go wrong, however, so that I may not be able to fulfil that perceived destiny.
The same applies to romantic relationships. Maybe it is fate that we meet a person, maybe it is coincidence. But whether that person becomes our destiny or not depends on us and the other individual. As lovers, we may feel a strong, almost magnetic pull towards each other but whether it becomes a lasting relationship, is entirely upon us. We can invest into something, we can make an effort to make it work, we can commit to each other – or we do not. We have free will which lets us decide in favour or against a connection. Thus, it is not decisive if we think that we are destined to be with this person or not – we also need the determination to make it work. We have to compromise and sacrifice for the relationship. Thus, I believe that destiny also requires hard work from both sides. We just cannot say that it is amazing that we have met this person, and then everything else will follow. For a love to last, sweat, tears and will are required because, quite often, we have to fight against outside obstacles or sometimes even inner resistance.
From the above it follows that I believe that we are responsible for our own luck and ultimately also for our destiny. Love and destiny are intertwined to some extent but in the end, it is upon us to make love happen and last.
LOVE
Are four letters
They mean
The World
When I think
Of you.